Morgan Patrick
Professor Li
Final Assignment Anthology
12-9-16
The theme of all my post that I published this year is focused on film analysis, food/cooking scripts, and expressing my feelings through food. When looking up the course description of this class at the beginning of the year the clear objective was that “Through writing, students will explore questions such as: How can we think about food in conjunction with affect - including love, national or cultural pride, and anguish - through our exploration of food and feelings in writing? How can we use food to learn more about ourselves as well as other inhabitants of the world?” (Fall 2016 Emory Course Atlas). Having read and understood the objective of my ENG 101 class I think that all my writings/ blog post this year have definitely accomplished the goal of this class. All of my post fit into the theme of this class because they address my feelings, films which we watched and then analyzed, and lastly food is incorporated into every post. The small ‘lower-staked’ post prepared me for the ‘letter-grade assignments’ because, these post were usually between 200 - 600 words. The shortness of all of these post helped me figure out how to be very concise with my words while still getting my point across clearly to the reader. Word choice was a big factor in all my post. Word choice is important because, you do not want to waste the amount of words you have on words that do not help push your main idea along in your paper/post. The five post that I chose to revise for this Anthology Assignment are my Sleep Deprived Pie, Revised Photography - My Love for Breakfast Food, Revised Version of Eat Drink Man Woman Opening Screen Script, Revised Eat Drink Man Woman Analysis and my Proust Script.
Having revised my post I realize that I had a lot of grammatical errors, a couple word choice errors, lacking descriptive details and some sentence structure problems. Going forward in my writing career I will work on my sentence structure and constantly be rereading my post/ writing assignments to avoid any grammatical errors. For word choice I will use a thesaurus to help me find the more complex words to use throughout my papers/ post. The following sentences are from every post I edited showing at least one problem with the sentence and how I fixed the sentence.
Sleep Deprived Pie-
Original Version: “Due to the continuous, non-ending cycle of homework, exams, and projects I have lost countless hours of precious sleep in my life. My eyes, now carrying dark baggy circles, age me twenty years (Twenty years too early may I add). As an eighteen-year-old, I should not look and feel like a thirty-eight year old pushing forty. My weight is all over the place. The increase and decrease in my size has ultimately resulted in a new wardrobe based on too big sweatpants and sweatshirts.”
Revised Version: “Due to a continuous, non-ending cycle of homework, exams, and projects I have lost countless hours of precious sleep and am successfully drowning in my own life struggles. My eyes, now carrying dark baggy circles make me look more raccoon-ish than human. My face, drained and lacking color, looks as if I have aged twenty years. I am becoming old. By the time I even reach twenty, I will be retiring. This is problematic! As an eighteen-year-old, I should not look and feel like a thirty-eight year old woman pushing her early forties. My weight is all over the place like a scary rollercoaster. The increase and decrease in my size has ultimately resulted in a new wardrobe based solely on too big sweatpants and too small sweatshirts.”
Revised Photography - My Love for Breakfast Food
Original Version: “The relationship between man and food is all based on the emotional level of the person eating or cooking the food. For example, have you ever been to a restaurant a served a terrible meal? I have and I have seen this happen to many people.”
Revised Version: “The relationship between man and food is all based on the emotional level of the person eating or cooking the food. For example, have you ever been to a restaurant and was served a terrible meal? I have, and, I have seen this happen too many people.”
Revised Version of Eat Drink Man Woman Opening Screen Script
Original Version: “It’s a typical Chinese Sunday in the year of 1994. The sun rises and the birds chirp softly as if signing a sweet melody to begin the morning day. The world is at peace, everything is serene and in place. For a typical Chinese man or woman, the day immediately starts early. The chopping of food, and the slight pitter patter of the chef beginning to catch a rhythmic flow of his daily task can be heard from the kitchen.”
Revised Version: “It’s a typical Chinese Sunday in the year of 1994. The sun rises, the trees sway in the wind and the birds beginning to chirp softly as if signing a sweet melody to begin a beautiful morning day. The world is at peace. Everything is serene. Everything is perfect. The Earth feels warm and happy. For a typical Chinese man or woman, the day immediately starts early. The chopping of food, and the slight pitter patter of the chef beginning to catch a rhythmic flow of his daily task can be heard from the kitchen.”
Revised Version of Eat Drink Man Woman Analysis
Original Version: “The film clip, an opening scene to Eat Drink Man Woman, starts off with no background music, just the sounds of someone cooking feverishly. This generates a very tense environment, almost as if the cook is in a rush.”
Revised Version: “The film clip, Eat Drink Man Woman, starts off with no background music, just the sounds of someone cooking feverishly in a kitchen. This generates a very tense environment, almost as if the cook is in a rush.”
Proust Script -
Original Version: “To start everyone let’s all have some tea. Tea and madeleines I have found are good together.”
Revised Version: “So, to start everyone off, let’s all have some tea. Tea and madeleines are good together, I have found.”
In all of the examples above my mistakes are very obvious. My writing process I chose to take when writing all of these post was a very informal approach. My informal approach seemed to be more relatable to the reader when describing food and my feelings about film or a film/ piece of work. By making my theme, point-of-view more understanding to the reader will result in my reader being able to understand my work more and want to continue reading. At the bottom of this page I have attached the links to the old version and revised version of all my post spoke on in the final assignment.
Sleep Deprived Pie
Revised Photography - My Love for Breakfast Food
Revised Version of Eat Drink Man Woman Opening Screen Script
Revised Version of Eat Drink Man Woman Analysis
New Version -
Proust Cook Show Script
